Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I do not own FATE or anything related to the series.
At the docks a furious battle continued between a duel wielding staff user and an armored woman with an invisible sword.
Others were present but not taking part in the fight between the two knight classes, a woman with white hair and winter clothing and red eyes who watched on the battle with worry, a blonde man of high status that hid in the shadows of the many containers at the dock a scowl can be seen on his face.
An assassin, one of many, stood atop a crane his presence unaware by many but one, a golden king who chooses to observe in astral form, two human assassins hid in the dark possessing modern weaponry, a sickly man and his dark servant whom are waiting for the right moment to get involved, a great distance away atop the fuyuki brigde sat a large burly man and a frightened teen who looked ready to pass out.
And even further away from the battle was a man elegantly sipping wine in his manor, a two sick minded murderers watching the battle via a crystal ball in the sewers, and finally the overseer and his whom are staying at a church, the neutral zone of this war.
A bright light covered them all and when it disappeared they were all gone without a single trace.
Interdimensional theatre:
The Fate Zero cast appeared in an empty theatre, confusion was apparent on all their expressions before morphing to something serious as all the servants, except for Gilgamesh and Gilles, rushed to their masters.
“Where are we!?”
“Whose responsible for this!? I demand you reveal yourself!”
“So you’re the one who stole it Waver!!”
“Rider!”
“My weapon is gone!??”
“Toh-(Cough)-Tohsaka!”
“Kariya.”
“My treasures?! What fool DARES to take away my treasury!!?”
But before things could escalate even further, another series of flashes occur, ten people and seven servants.
And just like the original group they found they couldn’t use their magic and weapons.
They too experienced a moment of great confusion before taking note of the other group of people.
“Dad?!” proclaimed Shirou shakily pointing at Kiritsuga, “WHAT?!” proclaimed Irisviel sending a look of shock and hurt towards her husband made worse by noticing the look of longing and shock Taiga was sending him, Kiritsuga was speechless and Maiya his ever stoic assistant couldn’t help but send him a look of pity and confusion as she has never heard nor seen anything about having other children/lovers.
“Father, Mother?” Rin couldn’t help but utter looking at her very living father AND very sane looking mother whom both looked at her surprised to see an older version of their daughter.
Sakura and Illya remained the most quiet not knowing how to react, with the former not knowing if she should be happy to see her mother or go on a bloody rage from seeing her father.
The servants were the first ones to get the composure and observe their surroundings.
“So weapon less and magic less” stated EMIYA the answer obvious by the expressions adorned by the many servants and masters in the room.
Artoria whose patience has run thin as she, and a few others, were a bit agitated having to be in a room filled with other servants without a means of protection “Who is responsible for-“
“Ohhhh Jeanne!! This is it! This is my wish!” Gilles cut off Artoria as he got closer to her putting her on the edge “Don’t you see Jeanne! The grail has reunited us!”
“Jeanne? As in Jeanne d’arc, what an honor to have fought a holy maiden such as yourself” remarked Diarmud, the ‘revelation’ earning a lot of attention towards saber unknowingly making the overseer of the 4th grail war conflicted at the idea that he would have to cheat to eliminate such a holy figure.
Saber scowled “ I’m-“ she gets disturbed again by the being that brought them all here.
Greetings masters, servants and others(Taiga, Ayako and Issei) I welcome you all to my domain!
“What did you do to beserker!” demanded Illya referring to the giant wall of muscle that was incapable of moving due to an odd field surrounding him, standing next to the equally restrained black knight, “Illya…?” softly asked Iri recognizing her now older daughter, before Illya could reply.
I made both beserkers more complacent, even with their weapons and noble phantasms gone their still trouble
“I must commend your bravery, for no greater fool would dare take what is mine” said Gilgamesh despite his calm demeanor his killer intent was filling the room putting a lot servants on the edge.
Thanks but I promise you all this is temporary you will all be returned to your homes after your done watching what I want to show you
“What do you expect to gain from this?” asked Keyneth next to his ‘beloved’ wife Sola-Ui who stood close to lancer much to his discomfort.
Entertainment!
What I will show is a timeline of the fifth holy grail war!
“Fifth how-?” asked Waver shocked like the other masters and servants of the fourth grail war.
Yeah there was no true winner in the fourth war, the magus killer kinda forced his saber servant with all three command seals to destroy the grail, the funniest sh*t I’ve ever seen.
“WHAT!!?” screamed both Keyneth and Tokiomi, catching Rin and others who are close to both Emiyas by surprise, excluding Shirou himself and those even more incompetent about the mage world.
So now I want all of you guys to please watch a timeline of the fifth grail war, heck you all might learn a lot about the future and secrets about friends, okay let’s start please take a seat or be stuck here forever.
Everyone begrudgingly sat at their seats maintaining good distance away from those they don’t know, Shirou, Issei, Ayako, Sakura and Taiga took seats closer to each, Medusa sat a bit closer to the group but not enough to make them nervous, Rin was a bit further away from the group, Shinji refused to sit anywhere near Sakura.
Medea and Kazuki sat next to each my to Issei’s surprise, he knew that woman was more than she seems and it seemed like he was judging by her getup and now it seems like his guardian is part of whatever is going on here.
Illya sat close to her frozen servant refusing to sit close to that man, much to her parents concern.
Cu sat with Bazett, Sasaki and EMIYA sat alone.
The Fate Zero cast also sat among those they trusted or alone( Gilgamesh and a suffering Kariya – whoops!)
Now let’s begin!
[Scene: a shed with Shirou's sleeping form]
[Snoring]
[Door opening]
SAKURA: God's sake, Shirou.
You're gonna catch a cold out here, and I'll have to take care of you,
and make you soup, and clean your stupid blanket—
Shirou blinked before gazing at his purple haired friend “Sakura?”, Kariya and Aoi where interested in knowing Sakura’s wellbeing
Sakura was blushing a storm from what she saw, Shirou’s confused expression and Ayako’s knowing look didn’t make it easier.
SHIROU: (Stops snoring)
SAKURA: *Heyyyy*, *buddyyy*...!
Those who knew Sakura found it weird that she’s acting like this.
Wanna get up off the stupid ground and come inside?
SHIROU: Hi, Sakura.
Did I fall asleep fixing literally everything I can get my hands on again?
“Again?” Issei asked raising his brow towards a blushing Shirou
SAKURA: Sudden thought, Shirou:
What if you DIDN'T pick up trash around the neighborhood and DIDN'T try to fix said trash?
SHIROU: But pipes are so useful!
Literally everything has a pipe somewhere probably!
“I didn’t know you wanted be plumber Emiya” said Rin with slight surprise “What! No I just like pipes!-wait no I like handling pipes!- No Dammit!” Rin just giggled causing Shirou to blush out embarrassment.
SAKURA: Oh Shirou, you silly idiot. We have too many pipes.
Stop fixing pipes... or else?
Sakura was envious of the Sakura on screen who had the strength to speak her mind.
SHIROU: Listen, Sakura, I'm not going to fight you on this.
I just know deep in my heart that we do now and always will need more pipes!
As the sole provider of pipes in this household, I understand this better than anyone.
SAKURA: I'll be inside making food for you and Taiga.
Don't put yourself out *thanking* me once in a while!
SHIROU: Hahh, what would we do without her?
Too bad she can never know why I fix all this stuff.
“Ohhhh you’re a mage…when were you going to tell me that huh E-M-I-Y-A” Rin set a cold glare towards Shirou who gulped “W-wait you’re a mage too?” causing Rin to raise her brow “Looks like we were both unaware of statuses”
Ayako and Issei were shocked at the revelation of their friends being magical, with Taiga fuming that Shirou wouldn’t trust to tell his ‘self proclaimed’ big sis about this.
Sakura already knew and Shinji was pissed “All this time you mocked me, belittled me” muttered the blue haired Matou.
On that note - back to work, Shirou!
Today, you save pipes; tomorrow, *the world*!
Archer scowled, some the older mages were bewildered, some of the Heroic spirits were intrigued.
Shirou was embarrassed once more, the questioning looks sent his way by his fellow students and guardian didn’t help
[Scene: School]
ISSEI: ...Then Shinji took the broken part of the bench and started using it to block arrows,
but, since he couldn't get to Ayako without getting his face impaled he threw the closest thing at her.
That's how the heater got involved.
Shinji looked aghast, Shirou eyes widened, Rin and Ayako deadpanned, Issei was just done and Bazett still can’t believe she has to go to war with a bunch of kids.
SHIROU: Truly, it was the real victim here.
“Hey!”
ISSEI: Yes, it didn't ask for this.
Give it to me straight, Shirou - can it be saved?
SHIROU: Oh yeah, totally. Just needs some tape and soldering.
And sweet, delicate love...
“To use magecraft for such a nonsensical purpose is pathetic” said Kayneth shaking his head, his glared at him, well she agrees but she still hates hearing him speak.
ISSEI: Your methods are strange, Emiya... but they've never failed us yet.
Kiritsugu really wanted to know the circ*mstances behind this boy being his son and why Illya seems so hostile to him, Iri noticed his frustration and held his hand drawing his attention.
She smiled and he smiled back, they’ll figure this out.
However, I don't know why you won't let me watch when you fix the electronics.
SHIROU: Hey, dude! A man's *gotta* have space to perform his craft.
But seriously, if you want this thing fixed, you need to get out.
ISSEI: Right, right. Gotta perform your magic as it were.
SHIROU: Right! Something like that.
“Let me guess people like us who can’t use Magic aren’t supposed to know about its existence, right” asked Issei, the none mages look at Shirou he’s expression telling them all they need to know.
[Door closes]
Heater, reveal your secrets to me...
“Woah…” uttered Taiga and Ayako, and seethed Shinji.
It actually does just need tape! Radical!
Truly, I do the work of heroes.
“Join under my banner I’ll make a hero out you boy!!” exclaimed Iskandor rising from his seat, annoying most the occupants “Rider!” cried his small master who managed to get his servant to sit again.
ISSEI: Oh, well if it isn't little Miss School Princess.
Come to bewitch more young minds with your feminine wiles?
Rin sent Issei a look, who just ‘humphed’ in response.
RIN: Algebra, actually.
I'm not going to be in class tomorrow and thought I should get my work before I head out.
ISSEI: Well, I'll have you know your hedonistic tricks won't work on me, you vulgar hussie!
Ayako choked on her spit, Shirou’s jaw dropped and Sakura’s eyes widened.
“Excuse me!?”
RIN: *Excuse me*!?
Aoi covered her mouth, and Tokiomi glared at the screen ‘How dare he mock the Tohsaka lineage!!’
Gilgamesh didn’t want to admit he amused throughout the whole thing.
Well, f*ck you too, Goody-Twoshoes McPrays-A-Lot!(Issei rolled his eyes)
SHIROU: Oh, is that Rin? Maybe I should go say hi to her.
SHIROU'S BRAIN: HOLD IT, TIGER!
Ms Fujimura’s brow twitched
Have you considered that you're super-boring and she might hate you for it?!
SHIROU: Good call, brain. I forgot how socially inept I am.
“Oh come on your not that bad, it’s fun being around you Shirou” said Ayako after regaining her composure
ISSEI: Shirou, could you come out here for a second?
SHIROU: Nope! I'm scared of talking to Rin on account of her being awesome and me being Shirou Emiya!
“Oh I didn’t know you thought of me like that” Rin blushed, as did Shirou “ Well y-yeah”
Sakura did not like that.
Tokiomi hated that.
ISSEI: She's still here, Shirou. I think she heard that.
SHIROU: Hi Rin! You're really cute, and you scare me also.
“I get that…” her ears turning bright red.
RIN: I get that!
SHINJI: Greetings, Shirou Emiya!
Honestly, I was starting to worry that you would *never* show up to class,
and I couldn't *imagine* a day without my *best friend*.
SHIROU: I just slept in 'cause I was fixing pipes. As you do.
SHINJI: How dare you speak to me in that way!
I will return once I decide on a punishment befitting your intolerance!
“How are you guys friends!?” asked Ayako, Shirou replied with “He’s a pretty good guy if you get to know him, I don’t know how to feel about the one we are watching, but our Shinji is nicer right Sakura?”
“Yea-yeah…” said Sakura looking down, much to Shirou’s confusion.
ISSEI: Did I miss something?
SHIROU: Shinji and I have a unique friendship...
I think...
Ayako shook her head and Issei raised a brow at that.
[Scene: streets]
[Ominous laughter]
Huh?
[More ominous laughter]
Hmm...
Hi... Nice... night tonight...
Irisviel does not like how her daughter is acting here.
[Doki doki]
???: It would be a terrible night to die...
Illya smiled devilishly, much to Iri’s shock and Kiritsugu’s frustration ‘What happened in the fourth war!!? Is it because I destroyed the grail? Why did I destroy it!??’
SHIROU: Huh?!
I don't disagree with that, but... context, please?!
Hello?
Tiny frightening child?
[Emiya home]
TAIGA: Try to think of the family, Shirou!
If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to come here and eat Sakura's cooking!
“Nice knowing you care Ms Fujimura” said Shirou sarcastically making Taiga feel embarrassed with a nervous laugh
Is that what you want?!
SAKURA: I probably would have drop-kicked her off the road, but letting it go is good too.
“Sakura!” exclaimed Ayako, Shirou and Taiga
Kariya didn’t what to think the Sakura he’s observing is in a better state of mind than the one he last saw in that monsters hands, but he can’t say he agrees with such behavior.
Our Sakura wanted to disappear.
SHIROU: We're not really family, Taiga; and...
I'm not drop-kicking a little girl, Sakura!
SAKURA: Little girls can have big knives... Just sayin'...
“Serenity…” muttered the hundred face in remembrance
“I don’t know why but I feel like such a servant exists” uttered Diarmud, earning odd glances from the other servants of zero aside for Gilles whom from the beginning only stared at saber much to her discomfort.
SHIROU: I would've went kung-fu on her; would've been awesome!
Plus, I was close enough to home. I could have come here and grabbed one of my many pipes...
TAIGA: I love that bravado, Shirou!
When I was your age, I was so ready to kick ass,
I got disqualified from an international kendo tournament for being too amazing at owning bitches!
Taiga pumped out her chest with pride, “Hahaha, I like this one!!” proclaimed the servant of Waver.
SAKURA: That's a thing that happened.
There's no lie here.
TAIGA: Your dream of becoming a hero is pretty cool too, I guess; just sorta vague...
SHIROU: I dunno what you mean; I think it's plenty specific:
Get ripped, save everyone. Sounds like a stellar dream to me!
Cu and Iskandor laughed, and Shinji, and the rest of the older mages scoffed.
The rest of the servants were bemused
Iri giggled and Kiritsugu wondered if he had any influence on his dream
“The most asinine dream anyone can have” Archer pointed out with an amused expression, earning Shirou’s immediate glare.
“I’m happy you want to use your cool magical powers for good but that still sounds dumb” said Ayako, with Issei’s agreement.
SAKURA: Sounds kinda stupid.
Sorry, not sorry...
SHIROU: Wha— *Hold on*! Nobody gets to say my dream is stupid except *me*!
Archer opened his mouth before closing it with a scowl.
SAKURA: Sorry, not sorry.
[Scene: shed]
SHIROU: Nah, those guys...
They don't mean to be closed-minded...
They'd believe in my dream if they knew I had magic powers!
“It doesn’t make it any less pathetic” remarked Tokiomi, “Father!” Rin glared at him, slightly suprising him ‘What’s with her’ much to Kariya’s and a bit of Aoi’s joy.
Isn't that right, pipe? They just don't know.
They just don't know...
*Gah*! *Whatever*!
So what if I fail at saving pipes?! PEOPLE are the important thing!
One day, I'm going to become the biggest damn hero they've ever *seen*!
“The path of a hero is one filled with hardship boy best remember that before rushing in” said Diarmud with a serious tone, earning the approval of most of the Heroic spirits.
And then they'll see!
Except they won't...
'cause, magic...
“What happens if some civilian learns about magic?” Taiga asked Kiritsugu who was almost caught off guard by the sudden attention “Two options, we either wipe their memory of what they’ve seen or…”
“Or what?” Taiga felt she’s not going to like the answer “ We kill them” finished the magus without a shred of emotion scaring the teacher.
[Scene: Emiya home]
SAKURA!
SAKURA: Yes, Lord of Loud--?
SHIROU: *Your hand*.
SAKURA: Oh no, you saw my bruise...
“What who did this!!?” exclaimed Shirou worry very apparent much to Sakura’s joy and dread.
Aoi’s intrigue in the boy increases.
Kariya is happy that Sakura found someone who cares for her, ‘This is the future I’m mostly like dead at this point’ feeling the worms crawl under his skin eliciting painful sensations, ‘I hope you died too…’
Ayako and Rin send fierce glares towards the blue haired student who shrunk under the gaze.
SHIROU: What horrific villain hurt you?
SAKURA: S'really not that big of a deal; probably more my business...
SHIROU: Reparations will be paid... in *blood*...!
Artoria can’t help but think about her knights and how they reacted when a maiden is hurt or has fallen ill, ‘He’d really blend in’ thought Saber with a fond smile.
The smile left after remembering again what the being that brought them said about her master, and silently seethed once more, her chance taken away by a presumed petty master.
One would’ve seen her knuckles whiten if not for her gauntlets.
SAKURA: Please don't...
[Scene: school]
SHIROU: SHINJI!
SHINJI: Shirou!
SHIROU: YOU HIT SAKURA!
SHINJI: You know it~!
“You son of a bitch!!!” exclaimed Ayako, Shinji cowered earning angry glares from nearly everyone in the theatre.
Ayako would’ve stood up to kick his ass but an unknown force kept glued onto her seat.
SHIROU: That's bad, Shinji! What the hell is wrong with you?!
SHINJI: For a second, Emiya, I thought we were having a moment.
No, I didn't *hit* Sakura.
“BULLsh*t!!”
SHIROU: *Good*.
“You idiot!”/”Fool!”/”You disappoint me Emiya!”
SHINJI: I just smacked her a bunch and she bruised.
“You little sh*t!”/”What the hell SHINJI!!”/”Lancer what are you doing!!?”/”As a proud knight I cannot-grunts-allow this transgression!!”
SHIROU: What the hell kind of distinction did you just make?!
SHINJI: Do you wanna do me a favor and clean the dojo?
SHIROU: YES.
Then, I'm gonna come back, AND OBLITERATE YOU!
“Oh my God!!!”/”How do you function!!?”/”Lancer enough!!”/”But master!!”
“A wannabe is all you will ever be, quit your foolish dream” mocked EMIYA, “Shut up!!”
Archer chuckled “Struck a nerve?” earning a growl from the red head.
SHINJI: Whatever floats your boat.
SHIROU: LIKE A HERO!
Cu shook his head and just uttered “Bruh” causing Bazett to blink rapidly and gave Lancer an odd look.
[Scene: School night]
Haaa... there! Now - to find Shinji, and murder him dead!
Shirou and EMIYA’s brows twitched.
ARCHER: *RIIIN*!!
SHIROU: Huh?
...The heck is going on?
Those guys have *super* cool clothes and weapons...!
While everyone was admiring the skills of the red and blue servant.
“Wait your my servant?” asked Rin looking at Archer, “Seems so, I was surprised bring brought here without a master, but you WILL summon me I guess”
“What do they by servant and summoning Shirou?” asked Issei, “I’m just as lost you guys, all I can think is that these guys are not human”
Kiritsugu blinked as Iri and EVEN Maiya sent questioning look ‘I must’ve sabotaged his training that’s the only answer I can think off’ he thought with a frown.
I WANT THAT!
“Oh no…” said Sakura, as she and Rin gazed in horror, some the servants here flinched realizing what’s coming next.
LANCER: Who's there?! Who just complimented us?!
SHIROU: I'M SORRY!
They're so cool!
They're so cool! They're so COOL!
They're so cool! They're so COOL! THEY'RE SO COOL!
I want to be just like those guys! Hope I neever see them again!
LANCER: Too slow.
Gotcha!
“No!!” Sakura, Rin and Ayako cried, Issei closed his eyes he couldn’t watch.
SHIROU: GAH! DON'T KILL ME I'M A HERO! D'ARGH!
(Panting)
Did he leave?
Did he spare me?! Who was he?
Where can I get his spandex?
“It’s one of a kind kid”
LANCER: There once was a boy in a school
“Oh?” Cu raised his brow, his master groaned.
SHIROU: Huh?! Uhh?!
[STAB!] Uhg!!
Sakura and Ayako were crying, Rin and Issei flinched, Bazett frowned, she knows the rules but it didn’t change the fact that-
“They’re just kids” uttered Waver a thought shared by many adults.
LANCER: He seemed like he thought I was cool
SHIROU: Urrhhg!!
(Choking)
Sakura howled as she cried ‘No! No! No! Noooo!!!!’
Kariya seeing Sakura like this was killing him(not literally), Aoi wanted to nothing than rush to her and hold her baby once in her arms to help her through her pain but try as much she can the force holding her wouldn’t relent.
Kayneth was just uncomfortable, Sola-Ui sympathized with the girl.
Kiritsugu and Iri were just reminded why Kiritsugu needed to win the grail war.
Ayako cried along side Sakura, and Rin looked on feeling terrible, why didn’t her servant do anything to prevent this why didn’t she prevent this.
Illya was angry as she wished it was her…who took his life.
The servants all possessed a stone cold expression, this is not the first time they’ve seen such a tragedy.
Except for both the Archers and the caster of zero whom literally do not care.
“Sakura…” Sakura heard a voice next to her, she didn’t have the will to look.
“Sakura look at me” the voice softly said next to her, building the courage she looked at the very living love of her life staring into her eyes, gold meets lavender “Sakura I’m right here, I’m okay I’m going to be okay” said Shirou as he hugged her from his seat, she hugged him tighter as she cried on his shoulder.
Ryuunosuke was staring at screen with stars in his eyes, he inhaled a lot of air “COO-!” an invisible shut his mouth he struggled to open it, those close to him watched him with confusion.
LANCER: I ripped up his heart, he wasn't too smart
My Master's made me play the fool
Bazett frowned she can hear that this Cu regrets killing the boy.
Sorry kid; no witnesses. Mage rules. You wouldn't want to be a hero anyways.
We all meet tragic bullsh*t endings 'cause the human condition
reacts more viscerally to negative environmental changes.
No-one likes the heroes who got off scot-free.
“Sadly that is very true” Sasaki spoke for the first time, and already many his fellow Heroic spirits couldn’t agree more.
Just ask my buddy, Fergus...
Lancer sighed
A blind spear-man got him. While swimming.
Sucks to be Fergus.
Sucks to be you...
“With your extraordinary skill with the spear and your relation to Fergus Mac Roich, you must be the Cu Chulainn” pointed out the rider of zero.
Diarmud already guessed his identity from seeing his spear.
SHIROU: '...So this is it, huh?'
'A lifetime of rescuing lost pipes and... this is the end I meet...'
RIN: Are you serious?! SHIROU: '...'
Hope filled Rin’s heart, but she wondered why she sounded so annoyed.
You're that annoying high jump kid that— '...'
“Huh?” Sakura said softly
—Sakura hangs out with! And between... 'Never being a hero...'
'Never saving anyone...'
...her screwed up family and her— '...'
—rapist brother, you're the only friend she has! 'Dad was right...'
Shirou’s eyes constricted a chilling “What” was all that came from his mouth.
Shinji felt the room temperature drop, Sakura felt like everything around has just crumbled.
Nearly everyone in the room was sending him cold glares, Diarmud tried to get out of his seat again, Kayneth remained silent, killer intent started to build up from multiple sources.
“S-s-sakura…?” all the greeted her sending was a pair of dead eyes, ‘like dad’s…’
“SHINJI!!!!!”
-A bright flash covered the room-
—rapist brother, you're the only friend she has! 'Being a hero is...'
'Being a hero is...'
Now I *can't* let you die, or else *I* have to feel bad! '...'
'...hard...'
'What... is... that thing?'
'It's so beautiful.'
RIN: And would it kill you to say hi to me in the halls once in a while?!
SHIROU: (GASP!)
“Woah what happened!?” asked Taiga, “I don’t remember” uttered Sola-Ui.
“Oh I remember now I killed the kid!”, “Lancer!” berated Bazett, “What?”
“Senpai!” proclaimed Sakura, “He’s alive how?” asked Issei, a questioned shared by nearly all the rest of the occupants, Kiritsugu and Iri have good guess as to what it is that saved him, Medea wanted to cut him open and Shinji felt like he just dodged a nuke.
‘Hmph he deserved what was coming but letting continue who’d have disturbed our session, truly what a troublesome being’ thought one unaffected Golden king.
(Lots of coughing, panicked breathing)
OKAY! Odd turn of events, uh... whatever!
I-I'm okay!
SUCK IT, FERGUS!
Lancer of stay/night groaned
...Whoever you are!
[Scene: Emiya home]
Home, sweet hooome, (unintelligible)--
BHREH!
This is fine... The floor is fine...
Those guys in blue and red were awesome!
Even if that bastard tried to kill me. That was the most excited I've ever been.
“if it excited you that much I can do it again you know” said Cu with a smirk, Shirou and his close friends sent him glares.
That red guy's swords looked a bit awkward, though.
“Hn” was all Archer uttered, “No he is right your fighting style is very unorthodox” pointed out saber.
Those guys must have been Mages, right?
“We are far superior than these pathetic mages” said Medea earning looks from the more prideful mages.
I wonder... if my Dad ever saw Mages like that.
LANCER: Ohh~ you're a Mage!
SHIROU: Huh?
LANCER: Get *dead*!
SHIROU: D'AAUGH!
“Seriously!!!?” exclaimed Ayako, Issei really pitied Shirou at this point.
*J-Jesus*, what are you doing--?!
D'ah!
LANCER: See, here's the thing kiddo...
I originally killed you because normies can't see Mage shenanigans.
It was part of your kind's code that I eliminate you.
SHIROU: Alright, I accept that! But - I'm a Mage!
LANCER: That you are. Got that now.
“Now you leave Shirou alone!!” shouted Taiga.
SHIROU: Sooo... *Go away*...?
LANCER: Can't do that.
“Why not!?” exclaimed Shirou, Taiga and Ayako.
SHIROU: Why not!?
LANCER: Let's just call it...
...professional pride.
Nearly all the servants and masters deadpanned.
Cu only nodded at that.
SHIROU: Trace... on!
LANCER: May I ask what you're doing?
SHIROU: This poster may not be a pipe, but with a little bit of reinforcement magic...
...it can be *like* a pipe.
I'm gonna smack you in the face with my pipe, Blue Bomber!
“Emiya you idiot!” cried Rin
LANCER: Right... here's the thing about that...
[Smack] SHIROU: ARGHBLBLUGH...!
This puts a smile on both Archer and Illya’s expression.
Time to find the red guy...!
D'UGH!
Ow! God, that hurt!
LANCER: When you say "red guy"...
SHIROU: D'agh!
(More groans of pain)
LANCER: ...You weren't talking about that Saber, were you?
“So I summoned a Saber! Ofcourse I did!” exclaimed Rin clearly excited, EMIYA raised a brow hearing that “it seems like lancer is confused I am an Archer” Rin blinked “Wait but you fought him close range with two SWORDS”
“I am a very versatile Archer master”
“But I thought the Archer class was made out-you know what forget it” grumbled the young Tohsaka.
‘A very odd archer’ were some of the running through everyone.
He didn't seem to be in much of a rush to save you the first time.
“You let me die!!?” demanded Shirou, only getting a “hmph” as response, the other honorable servants sending EMIYA disapproving looks.
SHIROU: Son of a bitch...!
LANCER: Oh no, he's going into a shed~!
What am I gonna dooo~?
SHIROU: Maybe I can throw my rocks at him!
LANCER: HEADS UP!
SHIROU: DAMN IT!
LANCER: I'm sorry, kid. I'm honestly not enjoying this at all, on the record.
There once was a Lancer in blue
“Oh!! I got to start doing that!” said Lancer with a bright smile, “No” was all his master said.
He had a dark job to do
His prey was so sad, but it wasn't that bad
In his next life he might get a clue
SHIROU: You know what, Lancer?
I've got a whole can of "not your business" with your name on it!
“So, like, the can is my business…but not what’s inside the can?”
LANCER: So, like, the can is my business... but not what's inside the can.
...That is a weird metaphor.
“Agreed”
SHIROU: When I was young... the previous version of me died in an accident.
I was saved by the most valiant act of heroism I could ever comprehend.
I'm never letting that feeling go.
I'm never letting it die!
Even if my body dies, the image in my mind of that Hero will live on!
Sabers eyes widened.
And as long as I'm here, I'll be the vessel that *becomes* that image!
And save everyone in front of me!
While everyone was confused about they saw, Artoria, Kiritsugu and Irisviel immediately recognized what they saw.
‘My sheath…’
???: At your behest...
I have been summoned!
LANCER: You've gotta be kidding me!
SABER: Thou art my Master, who has summoned me from beyond the withered grasp of time...
Born as is the new moon to engage and slay at your grim command...
“…Wha…?” said one confused Ayako.
SHIROU: ...Wha...?
SABER: I'm just doing a bit. I can speak modern English just fine.
Are you my Master?
SHIROU: Yes?
SABER: And is that Lancer?
SHIROU: Yyyes.
SABER: I'ma kill 'im.
SABER: You're not going to get this, but I just finished working
through some really heavy nonsense with another guy.
“So it is true about you forcing me to destroy the grail” said Artoria giving Kiritsugu a hateful glare, “Kiri would never do such a thing if there isn’t a good reason to do so” defended Irisviel
“Good reason ~mother~? Considering Father killed you in cold blood!!” said Illya, causing her parents eyes to widen.
The rest of the masters and servants didn’t voice their opinions but collectively they would agree that ending the fourth grail war like that was unacceptable.
I'm going to take it out on Lancer.
“Seriously!” said Lancer, “You deserve it for hurting Shirou! Kick his ass Knight Lady!!” shouted Taiga
BRB.
Huh... modern lingo. Neat.
SHIROU: Whoa!
LANCER: I can't help but be upset that I was *seconds* away...
...from preventing a Servant from being summoned!
Cu groaned noting the look his master sent him.
SABER: Hrrmmm!
LANCER: Hee-ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta--
Ow!
“Woa…”
Nearly All the servants observed the great showcase speed, power and skill.
With the humans wowed by what they’re witnessing “incredible” breathed out Issei.
SABER: Hah!
LANCER: Die!
Rrgh!
SABER: Your skill with a spear is astounding!
It's a pity your footwork is not as *keen* as your polearm is *long*!
“BRUH!!” cried Cu, “Don’t use that word again!!” demanded Bazett.
SHIROU: Oh sh*t, that old school diss though!
SABER: Where are you looking?!
LANCER: D'urgh! Rrrggghhh...!
Damn it!
Alright, enough of these games!
What Servant are you? What is that weapon?!
SABER: Confused?
Perhaps I've been beating you with my faithful bow, Lancer.
LANCER: Oh sure, Robin Hood; where's the merry men?
SABER: My classification eludes you, but... it sucks to be you.
“Yeah like I know that the blue who killed is Cu Chulainn and the blue knight is Jeanne D’arc , but I don’t know who any of you guys are” said Shirou, “You’d think we would just reveal our names like that, this is a war child, our names carry information about what we can or can’t do weakness even” explained Medea.
That made sense to those who didn’t understand the war.
“I’m not Jeanne D’arc!” said Saber, “Ohhh God whyyyy Goddddd you stripped my holy virgin of her memories damn you God damn youuuu!!!”
“Will you shut up! I am not your maiden! So enough of this foolishness!!”
“I will save you Jeanne, yes yes yes with the grail I will savvvveeee youuuu!!”
Saber growled wishing she had her weapon.
“I don’t know he really thinks your Jeanne sooooo” said Cu earning a glare from the king of knights.
I figured out your identity...
LANCER: First name Mario, last name Mario...
“Hah!”
SABER: Cú Chulainn. Ireland's Child of Light and faithful dog.
LANCER: Can I level with you for a moment?
You're the second person tonight to pull that out of nowhere.
Do I have it written on my back or what?
“Wait that red Archer figured out my identity too!!?” proclaimed Cu, his master rubbing her nose bridge in frustration.
SABER: Your prowess with a spear speaks for itself, Lancer. You're pretty tight.
Saber made a face.
"Tight"; would never have thought to use that word that way.
LANCER: You're acclimating to all the modern slang that the Grail taught us.
SABER: Fo' shizzle.
Saber groaned.
LANCER: It takes a while.
Don't worry, though...
You won't have enough time to worry about getting it right!
SHIROU: I WANT THAT!
“Woah what’s going on!!??”
LANCER: Prepare yourself, woman!
You're about to face my most unavoidable blow!
Steel yourself!
GÁE!
GÁE! BOLG!!
D'URRARGH!!
SABER: Your attack was strong but your aim was faulty, Lancer!
Your attack was strong but your aim was—!
Nearly everyone was shocked.
Ah?!
LANCER: Behold - the fangs of Chulainn's Dog!
Okay... not to be a sore loser or anything...
“NO f*ckING WAY!!”
“What’s the proble-“ Bazett couldn’t finish.
But did that attack just miss?!
That attack rewrites causality!
“…” Bazett was speechless.
SABER: My instincts and my Luck... Those skills together saved me.
“THAT’S f*ckING DUMB!!!”
LANCER: Well that's dumb...
My attack that will always pierce the heart was disrupted by a metaphysical critical roll on a D20.
“That somewhat clears what happened” uttered Ayako.
“THAT’S STILL f*ckING DUMB”, “Your being quite the sore loser my friend hahahahaha” laughed Iskandor, “Screw you!”
In that case, my Master instructed me to return home if my Gáe Bolg were to ever be used.
SABER: You're running?!
LANCER: Yeah; my Master's just a BIT concerned
with the prospect of me fighting people who can survive fate-altering attacks.
“Ofcourse I’ll be concerned!!”
That said, I'm pretty confident I can kill you.
Feel free to chase me and find out.
SHIROU: Hi...
My name is Shirou Emiya, and I've got—
SABER: "EMIYA"?!
“Um”
...Sorry, go on.
SHIROU: —got some... questions.
SABER: I'd be happy to answer them.
I, however, am still *seething* from a decade-old grudge. And there's another Servant.
“Oh come on!” cried Shirou whom despite not experiencing what he is seeing still felt exhausted from all this servant business this version of had to endure.
SHIROU: What?!
SABER: You stay here. No guns or explosives, please.
“Hmmm” Kiritsugu accepted that he’s stunt or should he say he’s coming stunt will truly leave a bad taste in his servant’s mouth, but he still wonders what drove to commit such an action and what Illya said too…
SHIROU: I don't have those things.
SABER: You never know.
I'm going to go kill the Master before I develop any attachment to them
and someone chops off their hand or shoots them in a wheelchair.
SHIROU: You're gonna kill someone?!
SABER: WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME!
SHIROU: SABER, WAIT!
ARCHER: Dammit! sh*t, sh*t!
Saber! Saber, wait! Let's talk about this!
“Do you know me…?” asked Saber looking at the red bowman who only replied with “No” but that didn’t Saber from being suspicious.
SHIROU: ...Rin?!
SABER, *STOP*...!
“Tsk fool” muttered Tokiomi an opinion not shared with Aoi.
SABER: Ngh...!
Okay - there's no way you could've known this,
but right now I'm *not* super cool with Command Seals!
In future, please run all Command Seal-based requests past me *OR ELSE*!
Saber frowned.
ARCHER [telepathically]: Rin, we are seriously 5,000% dead. We need to run.
RIN [t]: Chill, Actually Satan...
“Excuse me what!?” Risei's first comment, pulling even Gilles attention away from watching Saber , the tohsakas eyes widened in shock.
‘What the hell?’ Archer deadpanned.
“You guys can summon the devil!!” Ayako freaked out, ‘,Ofcourse my oh so talented sister did…’ a dark thought passed through Sakura’s thoughts, Shinji permanently a tad bit more afraid of Rin.
“That’s impossible!” proclaimed Kayneth representing the thoughts of the many adults and servants.
Hmph, I've got an idea. (Chuckles)
ARCHER [t]: Is it "run"? 'Cause I'm all about "run" right now.
“There’s no way you’re the devil!” exclaimed the blue Spearman, “I’m not the devil” clarified Archer annoyed.
“I don’t know that sounds like something the devil would say” remarked Waver, earning a glared that shut him up.
RIN: Hello, Shirou Emiya...
How's that social ineptitude working out for you?
ARCHER [t]: Oh, please don't...
RIN: I *love* your friend, Shirou.
“What is she-?” said a confused Emiya
Tokiomi’s gaze intensified.
ARCHER [t]: Y'know Rin, you and I may have more in common than I initially thought.
“That’s not helping your case in proving your not the devil” remarked Waver
Making Archer growl in annoyance
RIN: I-WANT-YOUR-SERVANT-GIVE-ME-BAEBER!
“Baeber?” first Jeanne d’arc and now this.
ARCHER: Welp, there's my expectations flying right out the window!
RIN: Don't make me end you, Shirou.
“You wouldn’t do that right Rin…?” asked Shirou receiving only silence.
“Oh”
